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how to pick up CHICKS!!

eggeworth:

  • cup your hands around them protectively
  • lift them from the ground
  • gently kiss their fuzzy heads
  • say “peep peep” calmingly so as not to be pecked
  • peep peep
"They were smiling at each other as if this was the beginning of the world."
-F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Love of the Last Tycoon  (via v-e-s-t-a)

thechurchofbobsaget:

I think “dildo” is a perfectly acceptable insult. Like, I’d call you a dick but you’re not real enough.

"The devil doesn’t come dressed in a red cape and pointy horns. He comes as everything you’ve ever wished for."
-Tucker Max, Assholes Finish First (via larmoyante)